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Bottled-up Philosophy

The philosophy underpinning this website, and this approach to living with a problem drinker is six fold.  There are six main goals which are described below.  First we believe that Safety/Survival is of paramount importance.  Second, it attempts to Preserve relationships; third is to help you to Alleviate problems by viewing them in a more comprehensive and meaningful way; Fourth is to Coach you on how to Change your living conditions; Fifth is to Empower you to live a fulfilling life independent of his or her drinking; Sixth is to help you to promote a Dialogue with the drinker. 

FIRST - Safety / Survival

Underpinning all of the aims needs to be your Safety and Survival. 

This is of paramount importance to us. 

Indeed it is so important that it is visited on a number of occasions and is built into much of the advice on the website and we return to it again in SHARE.

SECOND - Preserve Relationships

In this website we aim to give you tools, information and strategies that will help you to keep your relationship alive.  This does not mean that you will find pressure and a guilt trip if you want to end the relationship.  To stay or not, is of course, a decision that each person needs to make for themselves, based on their own individual circumstances.  However at Bottled-up we try to give you the resources to make the relationship more likely to continue.  Your relationship is one of the most powerful levers for change that you have and it can bring about the desired change.  Or if it does not result in change now then, hopefully, when the drinker does decide to get help or change, there will still be a chance of rebuilding the relationship.

Third - Alleviate Problems

We will show you a practical method of addressing the extent and impact of drinking in your life.  Based on the acronym HOPE this brand new method will give you the means to examine the main problems and tackle them in a way that is practical and effective. 

Yes of course we appreciate that your main problem is your partner's/family member's drinking and that this is causing you all sorts of grief.  Using the HOPE method we will show you a way of looking at your problem in a different way, a way that will allow you more control than you have now.

We cannot guarantee that you will be problem free or your drinker will definitely get help or stop drinking .  However we can say that following the processes presented here should help to reduce your problems and make it far more likely that he will change.

Fourth - Coach and be Coached

How you define a problem will determine how you tackle it.  Defining your problem in a more practical and pragmatic way means that you can have options that you did not have previously. 

You have tried many strategies in the past, almost certainly few, if any, have worked.  In Bottled-up you will learn some of the strategies that don't work and why they don't and also some strategies that may work.

Also you have probably felt isolated and lacking in support and here you will find a network that can help by sharing their experience of successes and failures.  However you will also find emotional support as people share their lives, frustrations and victories.

Fifth - Empower

You probably spend much of your time trying to anticipate how much he will have had to drink.  Can you plan an evening with friends? Is it worth cooking dinner tonight?  What kind of mood will she be in when she appears?

We urge you to step out from the shadow of alcohol and start to have a life of your own.  You will find out pragmatic solutions to difficult issues that should give you more freedom to pursue your own goals.

Our aim is to empower you to take back control of your life.  We want you to enjoy your life and not endure his/her's.  As a side effect when the power balance shifts, as we aim, then often healing can happen for individuals and for relationships.

Sixth - Promote Dialogue

If any progress is going to be made it will require that both the partner and the drinker enter into a dialogue about the effect of the drinking.  We will show you how that can be accomplished and the way to approach this dialogue when we discuss SHARE.

If you want your drinker to change his drinking or seek help then you need to be able to discuss the issues in an amicable manner.  We will show you how to approach the issues in a different way than you have done before.  This is a way that draws on sound psychological principles (as well as experience) and is designed to minimise the resistance and denial that is usually a feature of this kind of discussion.  However it is also designed to make it more likely that the discussion will result in a positive outcome.

Above then are the overall goals and philosophy of Bottled-up. It is a philosophy that promotes the positives in one's life while trying to reduce the negatives.  Even if you are not be able to change his drinking (although if you follow this program, you should) you can still reduce the effect it has on your life and actively pursue a happy and fulfilling life.  

In this website we will introduce you to the tools to accomplish this.  We will show you how to use the process we call HOPE, the tool we call SHARE and adopt the attitude we call LOVE.  Each of these (HOPE, SHARE and LOVE) are acronyms for the powerful approach that Bottled-up will show you. 

 An approach that, quite literally, could change your life. 

 Come and Join Bottled-Up Today  

All material copyright Lou Lewis and John McMahon © 2018

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